Week 4: My Identity

 Introduction

            Have you ever felt the need to fix anything and everyone in your life that is ‘broken’ or in need of guidance?  I have.  On many occasions I have been called “The Finder of Lost Things,” “Tech-Support,” “A Problem-Solver,” and “Miss Fix-it.”  With these many titles, named by friends and family, I have come to the realization that I have a similar identity to one of a “Savior”.  I find myself constantly feeling the need to save or help someone, whether it be a technological, personal, or advising issue/problem. 

            I realize I have been doing this all my life.  When I was younger I would walk around with tools trying to see if our house needed any repairs.  I also would try to act like a psychiatrist around my friends (as if an eight-year-old could give good advice).   Basically, if there was something I could help with, I was there.

My “Savior” Identity

            At first, I didn’t realize that my “Savior” identity was any different than others.  I thought the way I acted was the ‘norm’ and that others acted in the same manner.  But as I grew older, I soon realized that other people did not share the same type of identity.  I learned that some people were the “Saviors” and others were “in need of saving.”

            As many times as I have found my “Savior” identity wanting to help, the most prominent instant that sticks out in my mind happened a little over a year ago.

 

Since that day, I have found myself working closely with two different types of therapy techniques.

• Cognitive therapy: focusing on trying to change a person's negative thinking and the inaccurate perceptions they have of themselves and their environment. People are taught to think logically, and to avoid negative self-talk.
• Interpersonal therapy: teaching a person how to successfully interact with others. Depressive illnesses interfere with how a person treats their family, friends, and co-workers, which affects how they treat them in return. Interpersonal therapy focuses on social skills.

(SAVE, 2010)

I know the conclusion to this type of story wouldn’t normally end successfully, so I feel very grateful to have had this type of identity, especially in this situation. 

The Good & Bad

                On one end, I personally feel a sense of accomplishment when I can help someone 

work through a problem.  (It is great to know that I have been able to better someone’s life.)

But on the other hand, my “Savior” identity does leave me feeling a sense of failure every now

and then. Every so often, I am in a situation where I cannot ‘fix’ a problem and I am left 

feeling defeated. 

Not Everyone Agrees

            As helpful and important as I view the “Savior” identity,  I have found out that not everyone agrees with me.  Sometimes people have found my “Savior” identity as nosey and pushy.  On instances, I have been told to butt-out and to keep opinions to myself.  Now, I’ve never found myself to be either one of these things, and I find it frustrating that people would think of my identity in this manner.  My only desire has been to help others and not to pry. 

            I have found it is best to communicate with “Non-Savior” identities by first identifying my role in the conversation and then proceed from there.  If I make a point prior to the conversation as to my intentions, I will have a better chance of not being misinterpreted and misunderstood.

When speaking with other “Savior” identity types, empathy plays a large role in communication.  Because we are more similar in views and roles, communication seems to work more efficiently in this manner.

Conclusion

Our book states “how we behave and communicate to others helps construct our personal identity” (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg 111).    I believe the way I carry myself coincides with this statement.  My “Savior” identity is constructed by my personal efforts to strive for the best in everything. 

      •As a coach, I do my best to lead my team to success. 
      • As a family member, I do my best to be there for anyone in need. 
      • As a student, I do my best to strive for personal excellence. 
      • And as a friend, I do my best to listen and give advice accordingly. 

With all of these things, I believe that my “Savior” identity plays a large role in my life.  And 

without it, I would feel incomplete.

Lyrics from “How To Save A Life”

(The Fray, 2005)

References 

Martin, Judith N. and Thomas K. Nakayama. Experiencing Intercultural Communication. 4th.New York: McGraw-Hill, 2011. 

SAVE. Suicide Awareness Voices of Education. 2010. <http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=705c8cb8-9321-f1bd-867e811b1b404c94>.

The Fray. "How To Save A Life." how to save a life. Sony Music Entertainment, 13 09 2005.